Confusing Family Tree

I’m probably going to leave you confused.  I know it.  You’re either going to get it or you’re not.

It’s sort of like that day when daylight savings time takes effect.  The only ones in the house that really know exactly what time it is are the pets.  They don’t care if that clock says 7 a.m. or 8 a.m…………..they know that it’s time for the kibble to hit the bowl.  You’ll catch on in a few days.

Still……it’s weird and confusing.

I was confused the first time I heard the wedding story.  I sat in the back seat of my parent’s station wagon.  It was dark and the view out the windshield was pretty spectacular.  Miles of red tail lights in front of us.  Miles of white lights coming at us.  I thought at the time we needed some green in there somewhere………..to make it nice and Christmasy.

We were returning home.  I had just met my mother’s Aunt and Uncle in Charleton, Massachusetts.

“So………….this is not incest.” I said quietly from the vinyl back seat.

I leaned in between my parents in the front.  There were no such thing as seat belts back then.

My mother hissed in her breath when she heard the word.  My father burst out with a great big chuckle.

My mother was always much easier to shock than my father was.

“Darlene!  No!  Forget you ever heard that word.  Will you just listen?  I’ll take it nice and slow for you.  My mother’s name was Mary and she had a brother named William.  They lived in Charleton………where we just visited.  My father Joseph had a sister named Nora.  Mary and Joseph (my parents) got married.  And, soon after my father’s sister Nora married my mother’s brother William.  Nora and William……………so a brother and a sister married a brother and a sister.” she explained yet again.

My eyebrows crossed as I concentrated in the dark.  I bit my bottom lip. I squinted into the darkness as I really tried to figure this whole thing out.

It was beyond me.

“If you say so, Mom.  It still sounds illegal to me.” I replied.

She gave up.  Almost.

“You just met my Auntie Nora and my Uncle William.  They are my aunt and uncle on both sides of my family.  If you say the word incest one more time I’m just going to turn around and smack you.  You’ll leave me no choice.” my mother said in a huff.

She had just spent the greatest part of an hour trying to make me understand. She was like a veteran teacher that had used up her final trick.  She had no more tricks up her sleeve and still I didn’t understand.  I was the student that couldn’t get it.  I was the one that was making her question her calling.

“Whatever, Mom.  What do their kids look like?  Two heads?  Webbed feet?” I said as I settled down in the back seat.  Way, way back.  Behind my father where she couldn’t reach me.

“Dear, God!” my mother exclaimed.

My father barked out his laughter.  He kept the car on the road.

“Let it drop, Ellie.” my father said.  “You did your best.”

Many years passed.  My oldest brother fell in love.  We met his fiance and we all approved.  My soon to be sister-in-law and I bonded.  We shared a bed at camp.  We told stories and jokes and laughed and laughed until everyone else in the cottage begged us to shut up.

Just as she was about to fall asleep she said to me “You’ve got to meet my brother.  I think you too would love each other.”

And, we did.

Finally, I got it.  A brother gets married.  His sister meets the brother of the bride.  And, a year later there is another wedding.

My mother looked me in the eye when I got engaged.

“So…………..let’s go back.  Way back.  To the time you met my Auntie Nora and my Uncle William.  Do you get it now?” she asked.

I thought about teasing her.  I thought about letting her think that her grandchildren would be born with two heads and or webbed feet.  But, I didn’t taunt her.

“Yes, Ma.  I finally get it.” I replied.

My mother in law had some photos on the wall.  Black and white and old.  I stood in front of them and was willing to get to know my new family.  I figured the ones in the photos were probably just memories now.

I stared at a photo.  It was a wedding photo from the 1930’s.  I could tell by the head dresses the brides were wearing.  Yes, I just said brides.

I was staring at a photo of a double wedding.

My mother in law came over to explain the photo to me.

“This is my mother and father.  And, the other bride and groom were my mother’s brother and my father’s sister.” she explained.

My little mother in law held her breath.  She waited for me to mention incest.  She had tried to explain this many times before to many different people.  And, failed.

I had lived it.  So, I got it.  No problem.  On to the next photograph.

She was relieved.

Not too long ago…………..I sat on a beautiful porch in North Carolina.  We had all gathered there for my brother in laws 60th birthday.  I was chatting with my nephew’s wife.  She is southern and has a sharp wit and a saucy accent

I pointed to my niece and nephew from New England.

I was explaining.  And, failing.  Just like my mother had all those years before.

“So, I’m their aunt on both sides of the family.  Their mother married my brother.  But, I’m also married to their mother’s brother.  So, no matter what.  I’m their auntie on both sides of their family tree.” I said to her.

She stared at me.  She blinked.

I tried again.

I used the words my mother had used in the station wagon over forty years before.

“So, a brother and a sister wake up one morning.  They’re bored.  They decide to walk down to the corner market and buy an ice cream cone.  Along the way they bump into another brother and sister on the way to the market.  The brothers and sisters fall in love at the ice cream parlor and they all get married the next summer.” I said.

I thought I’d explained it just right.

Just like my mother had thought she got it just right all those years ago in the darkness of the station wagon.

“Well…………Aunt Darlene.” the girl drawled in her sweet southern accent.  “We southerners are accused of marrying our own cousins all the time.  But, wooooeeeee!  You New England girls marry your own brothers. ”

“It’s just not right.”

 

Photo:

Front row: Brides seated
Left:  (maiden names) Dorilla Marie LaRose                 Right Beatrice Turenne
Back Row from the left
John LaRose (“Pepe Johnny”, father of Dorilla and Oviliaz
Donat Turenne (“Pepere”; Dorilla’s husband, brother to Beatrice and son of George)
Ovilia LaRose (son of John LaRose ; brother to Dorilla)
George Turenne (Father of Donat and Beatrice))