My Uncle Jimmy was a very quiet man. He noticed everything. He sat back and took it all in.
I usually saw him once a year. My parents would rent a camp on Lake Champlain for two weeks and it was full to bursting with people. Cots would line up in the living room with blankets and pillows. Meals would be simple and cooked in bulk.
Some family members came for a few days and went. Others were there for the duration of the two week vacation.
Uncle Jimmy would usually come for a long weekend. His wife never accompanied him. Auntie was a little eccentric. It was said she had twenty cats and she wouldn’t leave them. I personally think she was too quiet for this boisterous crew that stuck their noses into every bit of your business. I’m thinking she would pack his bag and send him off with a smile.
He might pick up a cousin on the way to keep him company on the long ride to Vermont. Someone he thought could use a break and a change of scene. I think he was always thinking about what the other person needed. He was like that.
I liked just looking at Uncle Jimmy’s face. I could see my native American ancestors in his high cheek bones. I could see his mother that I never got a chance to meet. He would catch me staring and just smile and give me a wink. He knew what I was seeing.
He loved children. He loved all his nieces and nephews. He would drink them in with his eyes. He would listen when they spoke to him. Uncle Jimmy gave you his full attention. That is unique and different to any child that fights for a few minutes of their adult’s time.
I asked my mother once why Uncle Jimmy didn’t have children of his own. She told me that he had certain medical conditions that made that impossible. “That is why he loves you so much.” she would say.
Our weeks in Vermont were noisy. The boys would be out hunting frogs. The girls would be playing dolls or sunning themselves depending on age. The adults would have a few beers, drive the boat on the lake, eat corn on the cob and catch fish. The card games would run late into the night. There would be poker chips flying, hooting and hollering. All next to some one sleeping like a rock on a cot.
We were in a rented house with limited equipment in the kitchen. My girl cousins and I made cupcakes for everyone one day. We frosted them with vanilla frosting. There were no garnishes or decorations. We were at camp and the only groceries in evidence were the ones that were purchased for a few day’s stay.
When it came time to eat the cupcakes I noticed that my cousin had gone back and decorated hers beautifully with red cherries. She had used the cherry juice to make swirls in her icing. I had been shown up masterfully.
Uncle Jimmy could see what had been pulled on me. He picked up one of my plain cupcakes and took a bite out of the bottom. He yummed yummed like it was the most delicious thing he’d ever eaten. He shouldn’t even have taken a bite. He was a diabetic. But, he was standing up for me. I noticed. He winked.
Uncle Jimmy loved the commotion and noise. He had grown up with it being part of a family of a dozen. But, I knew eventually he would seek out quiet. He would need to be alone. That’s when I hunted him down. Once a year. For our alone time.
I found him sitting on the steps of the camp that rested close to the shore line. He saw me come out the door carrying two cans of diet soda.
“Be careful.” he said. “Don’t pick up any splinters” when he noticed my bare feet and bare legs sticking out of short shorts.
I sat down and handed him a soda. We cracked them open and stared at the beauty of the shining Lake Champlain. The grass at this particular camp hadn’t been cut all season and it swayed around us and smelled wonderful in the sun.
We were quiet for quite a few moments. That’s one the best things about Uncle Jimmy. You didn’t have to talk if you didn’t want to. He never asked you something stupid like “How’s school?” in the middle of August.
He finally turned and looked at me.
“You look just like your mother. I know you can keep a secret because I have been watching you. She is my very favorite person in this world. You are just like her. Shhh….don’t tell any body.” he said.
He laughed at the look on my face. My mother and I were adversaries during my early teen years. We had respect for each other but we knocked heads just about every day.
“That’s alright, Darlene. It won’t be long before you realize what a great compliment I just paid you. You know it even now though you’re being as obstinant as your mother can be.” he laughed.
He took a sip of his soda and continued to look at the wonder of the lake. I knew he had lived some very ugly scary years during WWII. I didn’t interrupt him when he was looking at beauty.
“Why don’t you tell me a story?” he said as he looked at the rippling water. “I haven’t heard one of your stories since last year.”
Now, he had been asking me this same question every summer my whole life. We had come from stories of kitty cats, puppy dogs, space aliens all the way through to Champ the monster of Lake Champlain. I had enjoyed entertaining Uncle Jimmy because he was a great listener. He didn’t just nod his head and go uh, huh. He really listened.
I was out of stories that day.
I was on empty. So, he had to draw it out of me.
“Alright, then tell me. Tell me about your most favorite place in this world.” he said.
Adults didn’t usually take the time to talk to young adults this way. They were too busy to care and to ask. Not Uncle Jimmy. You felt you were the reason he had driven all this way. Perhaps I was.
This was an easy question.
“Big Rock” I said. “Big Rock is right over there.” I stood and covered my eyebrows with one hand. I squinted against the sun and pointed to a large rock on the beach shore.
He stood and looked at the large rock I was pointing to.
“Let’s take a walk and you can tell me all about it” he said.
So, we walked quietly down the rocky road and came to Big Rock. He climbed up onto it and grabbed my hand and pulled me up along side of him.
We sat and looked at a different view of the lake now.
“So, this is your favorite place in the whole world. It’s very pretty. But, why?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t know.” I answered. “I’ve been sitting up here since I was a little girl. I don’t like heights. So, at first it was just a thrill to make myself climb up here and sit for a minute. I would look down and wonder how deep that water is. I would eventually feel comfortable enough to lie back on the rock and look up at the clouds and the sky. It’s quiet up here. There’s really only enough room for one. I can see back to when I was a little kid. I can look forward to where I want to be. It’s all clear to me up here.” I tried to explain.
“You sit here and you see your past and your future?” he asked quietly.
“Yes! That’s exactly it. I know I’m not alone. Everyone thinks Big Rock belongs just to them. That is amazing to me. It is mine. But, it can be yours too. ” I said.
We got quiet again.
“When you look into the future what do you see?” he asked. He really wanted to know. It was like it was the most important question he had ever asked in his life.
“I see what I want. I want someone to love me the way my Daddy loves my mother. I want babies. Big fat babies with dimples in their arms. I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to act. I want to write stories. I want friends. I want to laugh. I want to be able to cry and get over it. I want it all.” I said in return. I was surprised by the words that spilled out of my mouth.
He didn’t seem surprised at all.
“Well, then I can see for certain why this is your favorite place on this earth. I’m glad it’s so close and you got to show it to me.” he said as he gave me his hand to help me down.
We returned to the crowd of relatives and the noise.
My Uncle Jimmy died when I was 18. My mother came home from visiting him in the hospital in Worcester. She looked at me standing in the kitchen. She cried and said to me “I can’t believe my Jimmy is gone. I can’t believe I’ll never see my Jimmy again.” as she went into her room and closed the door.
I cried for him alone in the kitchen. We could have cried for him together. But, she had closed the door and I thought that’s what she needed . To be alone.
A few years went by. I found a man to love me the way my Daddy loved my Mom. I had a beautiful baby with dimples in her arms. I laughed and I danced. The acting and the stories came later.
One night I had what I call a “Bright Dream”. You can feel the air on your face and the ground beneath your feet. I think those dreams that are remembered decades later are visitations.
In this dream my Uncle Jimmy sat next to me on the steps. I saw the sparkling lake before us and I smelled the long summer dried grass. He took me by the hand and smiled at me. I said to him “Uncle Jimmy. Why are you here? Aren’t you dead?”
He didn’t laugh me off. He didn’t answer me either. He just squeezed my hand and said “I’m new at this. I’m not very good at this yet. Can you understand me? Can you hear me?”
I said that I could.
“I just want you to know that I watch over you. I just wanted you to know that. You are never alone. Even when you are frightened. I want you to know that I am always with you. They asked me what I wanted. And I told them I just wanted to be with all of you. I want to watch over you. I am always with you.” he said.
I woke up.
Months later I floated around my above ground pool with my favorite cousin. The baby was asleep over our heads in her crib. We grabbed that hour and some floaties and enjoyed the pool.
We talked about this and that. I came around to my “Bright Dream”.
She got off her floatie and stood staring at me with her mouth open. She had had the same dream. Different time and circumstance. But, the words were the same.
Uncle Jimmy had told her “I am always with you.”
I made a phone call. My brother had the same dream. I didn’t need to reach further than that over the phone. I had been convinced in the first place.
Uncle Jimmy couldn’t have children of his own. He loved his nieces and nephews beyond all reason. We knew it when he was loving us. He now loved us from beyond this world.
growinguponcolumbusstreet 